Premier League Clubs as Lebanese Religious Sects

Christian Maronites- Liverpool Football Club

Rich history, always been present at the highest echelons of the game. Very attached to past legends. Deify ex managers.

Hugely influential in the 70s and 80s, where they went through triumphs and tragedies but been largely marginalized since 1990.

Returned in force on the world stage in 2005, but comebacks of past legends have not managed to bring back the glory days. Finding it hard to accept they may never reach the heights they did before. Going with youth now.

Recent history blighted by infighting.

Sunnis- Manchester United

Always present with big, huge numbers of followers. But only really dominated the local scene since the early 90s.

Blamed by many for having corrupted the local arena, credited by others for having revolutionized the modern game.

Have had the most wealth for the last 2 decades, but events since 2005 have weakened the purse strings. Currently rumored to be in debt.

Current owner considered to be risking his life if he ever comes back to Old Trafford. Have looked nervously at their noisy neighbors for a few years now who have recently surpassed them.

February is seen as a very dark month in their history, due to a tragedy which is remembered annually.

Druzes- Arsenal

While having a rich history themselves, never reached the heights or numbers of Sunnis or Christians- certainly not abroad.

Despite this, they’ve always been relevant and decisive on the local scene. Led by a cult like figure whose capacity to keep his club relevant despite their lack of numbers is admired by many.

Haven’t had real success for a while.

Shiites- Chelsea

Despite claims to the contrary, have always been present on the local scene- though never having the numbers to show it.

Only really made it big in the last decade. Known worldwide now but are often ridiculed for their lack of history compared to their rivals- though have been more succesful than bigger clubs in the last few years.

While supposedly having several decision makers, only one (bearded) man really holds the power. Are largely financed by money coming from the East. Despite often seen as being in turmoil, regularly achieve success.

Hold the longest undefeated streak at home in the game. Defence was near impregnable around 2005/06. Constantly strengthen their attacking arsenal much to the dismay and anger of their rivals.

Christian Orthodox- Everton

Few can compare with their history, but have struggled for a long time now. The Christian Maronites’ ugly sister.

Seem to be a tad more relevant nowadays but still a long way away from being decision makers on the local and international scene.

Copts- Fulham

Led by an Egyptian. They exist.

Apparently.

The only inoffensive sect out there. This is probably due to the fact that no-one has actually noticed they exist.

Jews- Stoke

Founding members of the football league. Been around for ages, since the genesis of professional football. Known for their unmerciful and unrelenting attacks from air and ground, bombing the opposing team back to the stone ages.

Owned by a man who made fortunes in the legalised gambling industry.

Spend their time bullying and using every dirty trick in the book to gain an edge on their rivals; are then incredulous with self rightheous indignation when said rivals react to their provocation.

Not liked by many. They don’t care.

Local presence nigh on invisible.

Allawites- Aston Villa

Rich in history- never been more in danger of ruin though.

Current leader (who studied his trade in Europe), came into power under a wave of pomp and cicumstance with near unanimous backing from all key stakeholders.

At present , however, fans are said to be very much 50-50 as to whether he's the right man to lead them anymore.

Infighting between supporters a well reported theme at Villa Park.