The World's most Ridiculous Places Part 1: Dubai

NB: Now, according to Google analytics, the Dim in Beirut is big in Dubai. This has contributed to me mincing my words in the following article. Because, otherwise, trust me, I’d really let rip.  

Nothing against the locals (if they exist- I’ve never met one) but it’s hard to find the words to describe how ridiculous this place is. The outlandish architecture, the heat, the freaky malls, the 12 star hotels on top of a mountain in the middle of the sea which has a ski slope, the fact that I’ve been there 3 times and only ever gone to one street (Sheikh Zayed Road- I think it’s the only one that exists)…

Dubai reminds me of a small child that’s showing you his toys. He’ll start with one and then hurry to another and tell you “Look at this!” then throwing that one and jumping to another toy “and look at what this does!!” before showing you his Playstation games collection. He’ll be so excited, but you’ll be generally bewildered, though you’ll smile at his exuberance.

Ultimately though, you’ll leave shaking your head thinking what a spoiled bastard that child is.

That’s Dubai. You can’t really appreciate anything because there’s way too much of it. You go to a mall without a sky slope and you feel cheated, you go to a hotel without an aquarium as big as Buckingham Palace and you shrug. You don’t blink twice if a building is under 232 floors.

The place just screams “look at me” all the time. It’s like a walking billboard for 21^st century hysteria. A whole lot of huge, shiny new stuff but way too superficial to be anything other than what it truly is: flashy, fake, grossly ostentatious, soulless, too full of itself, blatantly copied from everywhere else, lacking class and history.

In football terms they’ll be Chelsea FC.

You take one look at the place and can’t help but wonder if Sheikh Maktoum is gorging himself in the city’s opulence to hide his inadequacies in other areas.

Talking about the main man, that’s another thing I hate about it: The hypocrisy. It’s a city built for foreigners. Their ads target Westerners, offering them “the closest thing to Europe in the Middle East”. They fill their hotels and bars with prostitutes, get DJs from abroad and generally do everything to bring Westerners over.

But the minute the Westerners start behaving like, you know, Westerners, it all kicks off. An English couple gets intimate on the beach and it’s like the end of the world. Some travelling DJ, who plays music catered to Ecstacy mobbed up people, has some hash on him, and he gets jail time.

Seriously Dubai, make your mind up. You’re either catering to these people or you’re not. Say what you want about Iran and Saudi, but by God you know where you stand with them. Same for the USA. You won’t scream “Allah u Akbar” in JFK airport. You know what the rules of the game are .There’s no double standards.

Dubai, however, is like a stripper in London: A sexy exterior, but ultimately superficial. And the minute you want what you think she’s offering, you get your arms broken.

Ridiculous place.

NB: (Though Dubai readers of the Dim in Beirut are, quite simply, boss. That goes without saying.)

Comments

[Account Deleted]

Ive never liked the whole concept of dubai... but woooowwwwww comparing it to chelsea.... pishhhh nadimmm va jouer!!!! ba3ed na2ess..... chelsea al!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (btw you lost last two games right??)

[Dimmy B]

3 actually, but who's counting...