My mate Danny is in love with women.
Not normal love, mind. Not the kind of love that most of us at one time or another have felt (or not). But crazy, obsessive love. He bestows on women the sort of adoration and devotion a mother bestows on her new born child. He's got an unquenchable thirst for it.
And I am talking about women. Not a woman. Women. Plural.
He’s loved every single girl he’s dated. Each girl he’s ever gone out with or tried to date was the love of his life. It doesn’t take much time for Danny to fall head over heels, it happens instantly. Sometimes it’s as soon as she smiles at him. Usually it’s when she gives him her number. Once, when he was trying to discipline himself, it only really struck him on the first date.
He’s always been like this since we were kids. When we were teens, he stayed in love for 3 years with a girl who had once held his hand. He used to send her flowers on Saint Valentine’s for years thereafter. It never worked out.
He hasn’t evolved a single dot since that time. The process has remained the same for 3 decades:
Part 1: Infatuation
Part 2: Deep love and life plans
Part 3: Showering of gifts and devotion
Part 4: Breakup
Part 5: Depression
The first 4 parts usually take around a month. Part 5 has been proven to last up to 4 years.
His favorite movie is Jerry Maguire. Not for Cuba Gooding Jr. or anything like that. But for the scene where Rene Zellweger tells Tom Cruise: “You had me at hello”. He often repeats this line when we're talking about movies. He says those words very slowly, in broken English with his eyes semi closed and his head slowly shaking...
His longing for the true loving of a woman has led to catastrophic situations for him, and hilarious stories for his friends to tell.
For example, he had a weird relationship with a woman a few years ago who was, simultaneously, married and dating someone else. What exact role he played in her life I’m not certain, but we do know, for a fact, that he used to do her grocery shopping.
She’d sometimes have him pick her up and drive her to see her boyfriend. His justification for his behavior was that he’d rather she was with her boyfriend than with her husband.
She’d call him up from time to time and they’d have sex. Any normal person wouldn’t mind this arrangement, but Danny wasn’t happy. He’d been in love from the moment he set eyes on her and wanted more.
He did everything to get her. He pampered her, bought her gifts and did her shopping. He started seeing her more as she fought with her boyfriend.
One day, as a testemant of his love, he bought her a plant called “Lucky Bamboo”. It’s supposed to be a good luck charm . Indeed it was. Not for Danny though, but for the woman in question. A couple of days later she made amends with her boyfriend and stopped answering Danny’s phone calls. He said his luck had nosedived the minute he bought her the Lucky Bamboo plant- we said it must have been as counterfeit as the DVDs we buy off the street.
The depression period started- my favorite part of the process. He’d spend his days looking at his phone with his puppy eyes, urging it to ring. He’d stare at it the way a father would observe his sick child in hospital: with longing, love and anxiety splashed on his unshaven, baggy eyed face. I’d sometimes ring him up while sat next to him just to his eyes light up and his body stiffen- but I’d then have to endure a multitude of swear words thrown at me as he realized it wasn’t her.
He stayed in love with her for ages- until the moment he met another girl. Then the process started again. He showered her with love, affection, devotion and plans of life. He, being the romantic he is, decided to buy her a new BlackBerry as a gift. But, as us Lebanese never pay for anything on the spot if we can help it, he divided the payments over 6 months.
2 weeks later she dumped him.
For the next 6 months Danny had to go to the phone shop and settle his monthly payment. He was thus, unable to forget about her.
While she was BBming with her new man, he’d wait in line and have nothing to think of but that girl he spent a month with. He’d reach the teller with his heart heavy, his eyes watery and his wallet lighter every month for half a year- all over a girl he’d decided, after she gave him a kiss, he loved.
It’s neverending. We have barely heard or seen him these last few weeks as he’s started dating someone again. He has shown no sign of life. Any other friend and we’d send out a search party for them. But not Danny. We know we’re nowhere near the top of his priorities right now.
Anyways, we’re not missing out on much. He’s not much fun when dating. But when it all comes down in flames, we’ll be there to pick up the pieces and hear the latest stories.
And then he’ll meet someone new and the whole process will start again. Because, as a lover of love, Danny will never stop believing. He's sure his luck will soon change. Like a boxer with heart who gets knocked down every round but always gets back up for more, Danny's spirit is unbreakable. The depth of his capacity and love for love is endless.
The depth of his wallet however...Well, that's another story...
Danny Boy is an idiot.... point a la ligne!
i know someone like that as well, same story as well and when they dump him and he starts telling me what he did and not, i cant stop laughing in my mind while trying to straighten my composure n be the caring friend... but sometimes i lose patience!!!
allah yse3edon!
Posted by: Account Deleted | 03/05/2012 at 06:07 PM