1) Her biggest fear is that you’ll die starving: It doesn’t matter how old you are: a Lebanese mother has not realized that you’re fully aware that you need to eat when your stomach starts marking churning sounds. She truly believes that if she doesn’t ask you every 5 minutes whether you’re hungry, you’ll starve. And be careful. Rejecting your Lebanese mother’s offer of a sandwich does not mean the conversation is over. Do not be surprised if she turns up a few minutes later with said sandwich prepared for you.
2) Is extremely skeptical of any one of your girlfriends/boyfriends: For one of them to meet a Lebanese mother’s full and honest approval takes years of arduous work, backdoor negotiations and successful passing of tests which may go on long after that person has become your spouse.
3) Hates the roads: It doesn’t matter if you’re going to Faraya, Hazmieh, Hamra or across the street. Your mother hates the roads: all of them. You’ll be reminded of that fact every time you say goodbye to her. Expect be to told to “drive carefully” and “put your seatbelt on” several times a day.
4) Is convinced rain is anthrax: You’ll be called at work a few times on the first day it rains in the winter and be told to “to2borni inshallah, be careful”. You’ll be admonished for not taking an umbrella. You’ll have text messages on your phone telling you to dress warmly. You will be looked at with mouth gaping wide eyed astonishment and disappointment should you wear less than 7 layers of clothes before going out.
5) She’s unique: You’ll be reminded, on a daily basis, that, while you may have friends, a bunch of ex girlfriends, siblings and more cousins than ex classmates, YOU ONLY HAVE ONE MOTHER.
6) Suffers from Alzheimer disease: Any question regarding your well being will be repeated several times a day. Just because you didn’t want the heater on 180 seconds ago does not mean, to a Lebanese mother, that you don’t want it now.
7) Loves when you’re sick: As she’s, for the only time of the year, allowed to treat you like a baby without any resistance from you. To2borni Inshallah. When you’re sick, a Lebanese mother will dote on you and take charge of the crisis with the same eagerness she displayed on the day of your birth. And you’re powerless to put up a fight, which is pure heaven for her.
8) Still thinks you have no social etiquette: And reminds you, every time you’re about to be introduced to her friends, to: ‘get up, be nice, shake her hand, be polite and DON’T SIT BACK DOWN until she leaves”. Then smiles at you with pride when her friend leaves while you shake your head in embarrassment.
9) Is fully aware how ridiculous she is: Every time you admonish her for treating you like a baby. But she then blames it all on the fact that she’s a parent. “You’ll understand when you’ll have kids” we’re told. Great stuff. So, in their eyes, we only finally stop being babies when we have one of our own. Circle of life and that…
10) Is an absolute queen: She’ll do anything for you. She’ll put her body in front of a moving train to save you. You only need to mention, in passing, that you like something and a Lebanese mother will go and get it for you. Her happiness and success in life will be defined by yours. Her biggest source of contentment is through your well being and the best compliments anyone can give her are in relation to you.
To2borni Inshallah...
Very cute
And you know you love every bit of it :)
Posted by: beni | 03/22/2012 at 11:59 AM